We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
