forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
