You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
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Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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