i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
