Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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