hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
