hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
