There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
