booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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