please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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