I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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