Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
