he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is my life. Enjoy the view
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
