Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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