If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
