You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
