I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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