Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
