Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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