i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
