ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
bring money and cleavage
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
