Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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