Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
