Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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