We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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