This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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