so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
