i don't like sucking hair
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
