if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
