just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
