Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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