How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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