Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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