sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
