I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Found the puke drawer
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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