cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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