What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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