i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
