After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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