So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
