I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
