the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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