is your mom at the bar?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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