Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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