I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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