She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
