Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
