Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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