you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
