just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
