You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
