Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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