I want to stick my p in your. b.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
