Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my sisters under your porch take her home
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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