Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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