my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
