Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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