You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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