He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
