at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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