I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
