How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
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he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
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Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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