Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
