I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
